You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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