so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
