At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
