Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
