well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
