I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
