I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
A bitchslap is in order.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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