Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
time to smoke my breakfast
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize