All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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