in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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