Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
