it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
