take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
