I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My feet surprised me
Randomize
