I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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