i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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