Only a mothe r could love this liver
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Enjoy the penises
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
