just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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