no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
