Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
