I wish i was in the wii world.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
