i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
