Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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