Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
