Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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