my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
