I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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