How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
