Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
