you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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