i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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