I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
