The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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