i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
