Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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