I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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