i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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