She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
