I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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