So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
