we're chasing vodka with high fives
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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