I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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