i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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