just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
