i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
