Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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