Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
