Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
