i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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