From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
