uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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