So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
