we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
