No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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