Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
