I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
