On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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