tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
not ubering you a puppy
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
