So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just want nice things and good sex
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He did a backflip because drugs
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