Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Can you bring me the toilet please
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
