OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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