i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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