I can text with my tongue
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
