The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
