i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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