At least make sure they are 18
Why
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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