At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
