fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
