If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
