It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
