Can i not drive my cunt home
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
