he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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