Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
